This!

Old School Man – Read it and weep!

My dad is old school, is yours, did you learn?

So here’s to them, not many left. Merry Christmas………………………….

As I am pouring my self a cup of hot oolong tea, I look out the window, at the snow in the night, I can see the thermometer from the window, it’s cold, its 11:30 pm and cold out, ice cold, one below right now, three foot drifts in the yard and 14 inches fell the last storm, took me and 2 of the kids 3 hours to clear the snow, did our house and a couple other that couldn’t for themselves, good lesson for the kids, charity starts at home. It’s 11:30, I wander from room to room, checking things, everything is all buttoned up. The security system is on, every body accounted for, the dog is lying on the foot of the bed busy snoring and chasing rabbits in her dreams. Just me and a couple of the older kids still up.

The kids that have bedtimes, are snug in there beds, the ones that don’t are quiet and snuggled in and reading or webbing, soon to hit the hay. Joycee is sewing and Sheila is sleeping, has to be up in the morning at 4:30 to go to work, won’t see her till tomorrow evening, I look in on her, she is beautiful, sleeping, slightly snoring, I miss her, but she does what she has too and I love her for it.

I wander out and sit down in the den, I look at the monitor of the security system, all peaceful, I think the local drug dealers and low lives have finely gotten the message, haven’t been around in weeks, trying to hock there shit in the parking lot. Man it’s a school parking lot, right out my back door, when we first moved in I saw a lot of shit, got the land lord to fix the light back there and I talked to the police and started making loud noises when I saw them come in, got a 500 lumen flashlight that lights them up and a camera to get the license plates, they know now I won’t just lay down, I will come out for them and they know I have a camera and I will be loud and draw all kinds of attention to them, about the only thing they can do now is move on, to much trouble for them. Good, it’s safer for my family that way, that is whats most important, I didn’t do for the victims, I did for my family.

I look around the den, its 72 degrees in here, warm, quiet, sleepy, safe, yellow light from the desk lamp spilling over the room, I mentally take stock, how things are, how much shit do I have to worry about. Yep – the van is down, but will be fixed tomorrow, the washing machine, well that was lucky, didn’t have to buy a new one, I kept the pump from the old one and we just swapped it out, saved some money and now the washer is humming along fine. Yep – still have some money to throw at the red car, but thats fine, nothing we can’t handle. Every one is working and we have the bills payed, we are all healthy, well most of us are, Sean’s Lyme is acting up again, but he just keeps going, two years now at the same job and he has only missed 3 days of work and them just recently…….. he’s a tough bugger and I am proud of him, I am proud of my whole family, all of us.

I move back to my desk and take a look at the news. Dam – that was a mistake, the news is always so bad, doom and gloom, the economy is tanking, the worlds going to war, what the hell. we are fighting in two countries, have troops all over. Iran and North Korea are shaking the tree, making every body sweat just a bit more.

Our government, according to the news, is telling us we are all wrong, “We the people” are a mass dumb and dumber. The presidents wife is telling us how we are not the good parents we should be, bullshit! I am, my kids are happy, healthy and hell, there smarter then most and know the meaning of responsibility and integrity. Ah shit, I should learn, don’t read the news, thats why we got rid of the TV almost fives years ago now – bad news all over, everybody’s afraid its coming for us, will the united states become a third world country, will there be nothing but a fight for survival, will we be ducking and dodging like the civilians in Afghanistan, will we have bombs on the streets, will we be free, will there be fighting, revolution, its scary as hell!

I worry, will there be jobs. How long before one of us loses theirs to a layoff or such, We make a finite amount of cash each month, yet expenses keep going up, when will it stop? Look at gasoline, wow, will it hit the point when we can’t afford to drive? Inflation, deflation, heath care, death panels, the libs yelling that people like I, are nothing more then redneck terrorists, thats the country is failing because of us. Wars, Muslims, atheists yelling there is no god, telling me I am simple for believing, for teaching my kids values, right and wrong, that Jesus is a fairy tale for the weak minded.

I worry, can I keep mine safe, sound and fed? I love my family, I want for them to be bored, that is my ultimate goal, bored is good, bored is safest, remember the old Chinese saying about interesting times? I don’t want interesting times, I want boring. warm and safe, for the rest of their life, how can I do it? I don’t know! I sit and worry it for awhile, letting myself get carried away, blah, fuck, have I done all I can, if the system failed tomorrow, would we be better off then the rest, would we be alright? Yes, maybe? There are still some things I could do, but they take time, still it’s scary. A father and husbands job is to worry, there my responsibility, to feed and keep safe, to Shepard and advise, to see to there happiness and to love them, unconditionally.

Sometimes it is heavy, sometimes, it bends me over, the worry. Right then I look up out the window, the light on the snow catches my eye, it is cold out, two below now and cold, but in here, in this house, its warm and everybody is home and safe and fed and happy as can be. Fark, I always get that way when I read the news, I worry to much, I close the dam browser and get some more tea and wander around the house some more, stopping in to check on Mace and Russell as I always do before I go to bed, Mace is sleeping, all curled up, he’s my boy, I love him very much, I keep teasing the rest of the kids that I am going to get him a many colored coat and they better not sell him off! Well I think it’s funny. Mace is great, one day he will sit here, doing the same things I do, having the same thoughts, I hope I taught him well, I did and will! Ya know what, we are okay, screw the news, we are warm, safe, happy, I am happy.

Yup, let the world worry about its self for a while, I have done all I can, I will hold the line and keep holding it, till I die, screw the news, screw the politicians, screw the system and pain, we are warm and dry and free, for tonight, right now, its good enough, good night.

Here it is, Part 6…….. Enjoy!

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Later, Zenlogic.